mud is a barrier, right?

It's a few minutes before 5am. I've been on shift since 8:15pm and still have another two and half hours to go before my shift ends and I can go home. It's my third of four night shifts and I'm flagging.

We have 21 patients on the ward, most of whom are asleep. One is awake and this one, aside from his mental health needs, has flu. Not man-flu, proper-flu. The kind that kills people.

Because he has flu, he's being barrier nursed so that he doesn't share his germs with everyone else on the ward. So he's in a room alone, with a big sign on the door telling people not to go in and any time we have to go in, we look like we're dressed to enter a crime scene.

Gloves, apron and mask are the bare minimum. I've also made sure I've had the short straw on this run of nights. There are three staff on duty but whenever anyone has had to enter his room, I've made sure it's me. It seems daft to risk infecting three separate members of staff, so I've seen to him on each occasion.
I'm just angling for a week off really. ;)

So, just before 5am, I realise that we've run out of masks. I've hunted the ward and can't find any and I have the cup of tea he's asked for, but now I can't take it to him. I decided to call the ward next door and see if I could borrow some, so I picked up the phone and:

"Ward 10, Ben speaking."
"Hiya Ben, it's RMJ from Nines."
"Oh hiya mate. How's it going?"
"Not bad, love. I'm on the scrounge though."
"Go on..."
"Have you got any face masks?"

At this point there's a pause of maybe two or three seconds. But two or three seconds of silence can seem like a long time. Finally:

"Ohhhh a face mask! You know, for a minute I thought you meant, like, a face peel. A mud pack. That kind of mask. How gay am I?"
"So, so gay, Ben. You big poof."

He is, for the record.

"I know, I thought 'Why does she need a peel at five o'clock!'"
"No mate, I mean a surgical mask. A face mask. But if you've got any mud packs and a couple of slices of cucumber for my eyes, that'll do in a pinch. I'm sure my patient won't shit himself when I walk into his room wearing that instead."

He didn't have any. I got some from Ward 16 in the end, one of the Older Persons wards where the staff are apparently straight and infinitely more professional than us two gayers on Acute.

Two and half hours to go.


RMJ